update after appointment

Well I'll start off with last Thursday I had a trip to L&D, my doctor was the doctor on call and I was having really bad cramping and presure on my cervix, so of course I got super worried and scared, but they got me right in for an US and he said that everything was ok, that babies heartbeat was good and my cervix still looked good, so that was such a relief! He said it was probably just my uterus moving up even higher (I'm already super big...not sure how much longer we are keeping it a secret, even tho some people know) Baby actually measured a little over a week bigger than what they thought. It would take the due date back to my orginal one. (They changed it at my 8/10 week US...thought it was 10 weeks, but turned out to be about 8) It made me feel better that little one is bigger rather than smaller) anyways, everything was good. He just told me no bank robbing. =)

So today I had my regular appointment. My mom took me, we heard babies heartbeat with a doppler, it was so wonderful!! 150-153, and heard the baby move a lot. I've felt the baby quite a bit already. =)

Scheduled my cerclage for April 8th. It works out well because my mom has that whole week off for spring break. I will be asleep through the procedure.

Then a follow up apt the following Monday.

My birthday is tomorrow. I'm pretty excited. I'll be 20. We are all going to Essenhaus for dinner. Then cake at home.

Well thanks for reading, and prayers would be wonderful!!!

Thanks so much!

peace, love, and blessings!
-jamie jane

Baby of Hope

Now that I'm showing quite a bit I thought I would write something. I was going to wait until after my surgery, but I thought, as much as I already love this baby, I will enjoy it while I still get to carry it. I know that's a hard way of thinking, but that's how I'm taking it right now. One day at a time. I found out I was pregnant the end of January, o man was it a bad week. I was a rollercoaster every 5 minutes. I still couldn't look at babys without breaking down, how in the world was I going to have one inside of me. How on Earth would God let me get pregnant when there are amazing people out there who want babies so bad who are on fertility treatments and I'm 19 and not married. I questioned God. Then I said to myself. JAMIE YOU IDIOT. Why in the WORLD are you questioning God when he is giving you such a miracle! This baby is the best gift, and you haven't even thanked God yet. Then I was mad at myself. After 9 or so weeks. (from my LMP I should be about 2 weeks ahead of what the baby measured at 8 weeks on an ultrasound) But they were moving and their heart was beating great! My next apt is on the 29. Then I find out when I will be having my surgery. It's a cerclage, a stitch around my cervix, so I don't go into early labor again. So with some bed rest and the stitch I have a 85%-90% chance of my baby living. I would love love love any prayers. And I'm sorry if I have hurt anyone, and I really don't blame any of you if you chose not to talk to me for a while. All of my babyloss friends, I love you guys so very very very much! Words can not explain.

I'm writing this at 1:20 in the morning, so I'm sorry if some parts don't make sense.
<3

Miah's name by the waterfall.

I guess I haven't really updated at all. There isn't much to say. I live my life day by day. Sometimes I feel bad that I'm doing so well. I have a lot of stuff going on, some a lot harder than others. but God is Good.

Prayer

Hey, can I have some prayers please? I'm going through a really hard time. Maybe for peace, and guidance, and timing. Thanks so much!

Miah's name in the sand.

http://namesinthesand.blogspot.com/2010/02/miah-anne-colvin.html

six months

Six months ago today Miah was born and died. I even looked at the clock at the exact time. Today was a day of ups and downs. There are some crazy things going on in my life these last couple weeks. I feel bad that I didn't give the day to Miah as much as I could have. I even saw the same doctor today that saw me in the hospital. I miss my daughter very much. Happy 6 months my dear Miah.

the first blog/the story of Miah

This is my first ever blog. I had a xanga when I was 14, and I don't think that counts. Maybe a little writing here and there on facebook and myspace. I saw Julie and Julia a couple weeks ago with an amazing girlfriend and thought about blogging then, but I can't cook. As much time as I have I didn't think I would have enough time to do anything like this.
I enjoy reading other peoples blogs. I'm a people person and love listening to their thoughts and stories about their lives. (Dustin loves to call me nosy) but I just think I am caring.
Then today I starting reading a new and dear friend of mines blog. We attend the same support group, Parents Sharing Hope. We both had babies who passed away. After reading hers I decided to share my story.
There may be no one who ever reads this except me, and that's just fine. I've only journaled once since Miah died. So maybe this will end up being more for me than anyone else.
This brings me to my beautiful daughter Miah Anne Colvin.
On July 31st, 2009 I was 18wks4days pregnant. I was the happiest woman on earth. I was living with my amazing fiance. I worked at a wonderful daycare and loved all of the kids. Around the time I was getting ready for bed I noticed I was bleeding. Nothing had gone wrong with my pregnancy, everything was perfect in fact. I freaked out. I called the nurse on call and she told me just to sit down, not to go to the hospital, that it was normal. At about 1am I called my mom crying. She cried as well. I relaxed in a chair with my feet up watching Late Night Poker. At about 3am my sister called and asked if I wanted to go to the hospital, I did. I thought, if anything, they could atleast do an ultrasound and tell me the sex of my baby, and that everything was ok.
Kacey came and drove me to the ER. (Dustins car wasn't working) We got there and everyone was very nice. The ER doctor did a pap and saw that something was coming out of my cervix. The sack of waters was pushing through. They took me straight up to the third floor where then laid me in the trendelenburg position (laying down angled with my feet over my head) I was like this for about 7 hours. The point of this being that gravity would pull the sack of waters back up into my cervix with the help of muscle relaxants. They were going to take me into surgery at 11am to have a cerclage (a stitch around my cervix) I was waking up after my surgery (which took a couple more hours than expected) and the doctor told me that the procedure did not work. I got violently sick and my water broke. I new that my baby was going to be born alive and healthy, but that she was going to die. I took a shower and was given pills to make my cervix dilate faster. At 4:56pm my beautiful daughter Miah Anne Colvin was born. She lived for about 5 minutes. She moved her arms a little. I held her in my hands as she passed away. I held her for about three more hours. My mom and sister held her as well. We took pictures with her. The hospital staff at Goshen was amazing. The nurses are the ones who delivered her. They gave her a bath. They treated her like any other baby that was born. They didn't treat her like a dead baby. They did her foot and hand prints in a mold. It's beautiful. Her hands were just a little bigger than my thumb nail, and her nails were long. She had perfect features. Miah was 8 1/4 in long and 6.1oz. Her skin was still translucent and you could see some white downy eyebrows. Her lungs just weren't developed enough.
We had a graveside service for her a couple days later at Violet cemetery. The house Dustin and I were living in while I was pregnant was visible from Miahs grave-site. Pastor Mitch from Grace Community Church, where I attend, did the service. He did a great job. We sang "Jesus Loves Me" and released pink, white, and purple balloons. Her casket was a small, simple wooden box.
Miahs due date was Dec. 29, 2009. That's a different story for a different day. But my amazing wonderful beautiful daughter will always be loved and remembered. She touched so many peoples lives in her very short time here on earth. It is only my faith that has brought me through these very hard times. I am glad for Miah, she did not have to go through this world. She did not have to know sadness, or pain. She was blessed. Shes up there in Heaven singing for Jesus. Pastor Mitch said it very well. The Bible says that life is just the twinkling of an eye. Miah is up in Heaven playing in the wildflowers and before she has a chance to turn around, I will be right behind her.