Monday, May 16, 2011

8 months later....

this was a note i made on fb. its been 8 months since ive posted on here. i still come to visit every now and then, but mostly im just enjoying my rainbow.

Babylost Mother's Day. Peace. and My Healer.

This year I get to celebrate two Mother's Days. One is much more joyful than the other, but to tell you the truth, the other is more peaceful.

Miah was born too soon on Aug. 1st. 2009. After spending a few minutes in my hands she passed away. She passed into God's perfect presence. Do you know how amazing it is to be able to say that? No, I don't get to teach her how to read, or listen to her laugh, or watch her walk through the grass. But I don't have to hear her cry in pain.

On that day God showed me a glimpse of his power. Of how big and amazing and what a brilliant creator he is. Words wont be able to describe this...but I will try.

Miah was born early. About half way through the pregnancy. Many many women see their babies born at 40ish weeks. And most bring them home. We see babies everyday. We see God's perfect creation there. But you see. I saw it in the making. I saw tiny hands that were perfectly formed. About the size of my thumbnail. She had fingernails. Her small body fit in my two hands, yet she was perfect. God said "This is my making. This is how powerful I am" I watched her arms and legs move and slow. The nurse listened for her heartbeat. It was still there. She was so peaceful. That's the best world I can use. Peaceful. Peace is so powerful. I held her for hours after she passed away. She's buried at violet cemetery. We sang "Jesus Loves Me" and released balloons.

Max is a different story. Max is my healer.

We were so happy to be pregnant with Miah, and so scared to be pregnant with Max.

Maximus Jude was born at 36 weeks (our goal was 30!) He weighed 7lbs 5oz. If you know anything about babies. This is a good size baby to be born at term, let alone my preemie. They had a NICU team ready to take him. But nope. He was perfect. I held his hand in mine and it was perfect.

That's what God says about his creation "It is perfect"

When I say Max is a healer...he really is a healer. I've had many people tell me how good it makes them feel to hold Max. A few months ago I was at a restaurant and our waitress was awesome. I saw how she looked at Max tho, I knew that look. I felt that look. She kept smiling and talking to him. Then she said how she had just been to once upon a child. I asked her if she had any kids and she replied "No. But I would like one" There was that look. The eyes full of tears. I know that look. I asked the wrong question that I had been asked so many times..the.. do i share my story? i shut up and cry later?...She left and came back later. She asked if she could hold him. I was happy for her to hold him and I handed him right away. I saw her tears. She shared with me that she had just lost a baby, and how this was actually her first day back to work since. I cried. I listened to her story and shared mine. She said. "There is just something about him that is so comforting. I can't look at other babies. But him I want to hug"

Max is my healer. He has such a huge purpose on this Earth. He will do great things! God's plan for him is beyond anything I can imagine. Mommy loves you Maximus Jude.

I wish you all a very peaceful day. Love you all!

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Max is HERE!!!!!!

I had some non painful contractions all weekend, so monday morning (sept. 13th) I went to the doctor just to get checked out. Turns out I was 4cm and 80%. So we went to the hospital just to get hooked up and looked at. About 6 hours later I was still 4cm 90% and the doctor asked if I wanted my water broken to speed things up, since I was having regular contractions. HECK YES!! haha. So at 3pm my water was broken. Around 4:30 they put me on pitocin. Then my contractions got super super painful. I made it to 5cm and was stuck. More and more painful, so I got some IV drugs, still super painful, and tons of back labor. So I caved and asked for an epidural. They stuck it in and let it run and it felt like my left leg was struck my lightening. He had messed it up. I said I didn't want him to try again, but he had to I guess? So second try. My left side worked but it made my right side twice as painful. So he trippled my medication through it to try and "push it through" and I had to lay on my right side. This was more painful then anything. I told him that only my left side was working and he said he had given me to much to take it out and try again just yet. O my goodness. So round #3. It worked about 15 minutes later. I'm still not sure if it was worth it. I started pushing at 12:30 am and Maximus Jude was born at 2:18 am. Sept 14, 2010. 7lbs 5oz. 19.5" 36.6weeks gest.

I will update more later, but he is AMAZING! hes so sweet and good!

The one picture Max was only 3 minutes old. When they laid him on my belly he already had his eyes open. The second one he is almost 2 days old.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Cerclage OUT

Wow. It seems like I was just praying about my cerclage going in. 22 weeks ago. 22 weeks. That is a very long time. So much has changed in my life since then.

I had an ultrasound yesterday since my fundal height was measuring about 6 weeks ahead. Turns out he is averaging about a week ahead. And weighs about 6 lbs 12oz.

So my cerclage was taken out today. Ouch. I got to see it tho, pretty neat. Seeing that little piece of extra thick fishing line type thing is what saved my sons life. I truly believe that.

I'm having contractions, but not close enough together yet.

Thanks again for all the prayers, I'm glad I get to tell you some good news. =)

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Woah. =)

Miah passed away 1 year and 1 month ago.
Max's due date is in 35 days and I'm 35 weeks pregnant.
He most likely wont make it to his due date, but I'm beyond relieved we are already 35 weeks. At my appt. on Monday we found out he was measuring 6 weeks ahead (he has been measuring about a week ahead) so I have an ultrasound on the 7th, and my cerclage is coming out on the 8th. I'm already funneled to the stitch. So Max may be here in a little over a week. WOAH.

Monday, August 30, 2010


Had to go to L&D last night.
So at my apt on the 17th, they found some blood in my urine. Sent away a culture, last Wed I got a call saying that there was bacteria, so they started me on an antibiotic. I had been having pretty bad contractions, but nothing time able really. But everyday it just got worse and worse. So yesterday (saturday) I could hardly wake up, my body was so out of it, and I felt like crap. I could just lay around. Everyone thought I was really sick. I was having super bad pains and weird contractions. Then at 1am sunday morning I tried to take a shower to relieve some of the pain, but no help. Found spotting and called Dustin. He had been telling me since wed to call the dr, but I kept thinking my apt is Monday, so I would just wait till then. But I finally went in after the spotting. I didn't want my cervix to tear, since my cerclage is still in, and having contractions. So we got to L&D and found out my blood pressure was pretty high. I've never even had blood pressure be slightly high, so that was scary. Then found out I was running a temp. Did a NST and Max is just fine. The nurse had to hold the monitors to my belly because he is not a fan, he would push them off. She got a good laugh out of this, I just wanted to make sure his heartbeat was fine. Haha. But they did lots of blood work and more pee work. =) Ran an IV, tons of fluids, and antibiotics. All my labs came back fine. No pre eclampsia, which is wonderful, thats what they were worried about with my blood pressure. But after some left side got better. The IV and antibiotics took my temp back down. Found out the infection was causing my uterus to be irritable. So they finally let me go home early this morning, since I have an apt Monday. Thanks for the prayers everyone!! Love you all!!
Tomorrow we find out with my stitch comes out!! YAY!

Thursday, August 26, 2010

34 weeks

34 weeks. enough said. =)

Friday, August 20, 2010

wake me up when september ends. =)

as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when September ends

those words hit home. max is due oct 6th. wake me up when september ends.

i am doing really really well. in a couple weeks i find out when i get my cerclage out. it has gone so fast.

i had an amazing baby shower last saturday! i am truly blessed with amazing friends!!!

thanks for the prayers. and keep them coming!!

love you all!

jamie jane