Baby of Hope

Now that I'm showing quite a bit I thought I would write something. I was going to wait until after my surgery, but I thought, as much as I already love this baby, I will enjoy it while I still get to carry it. I know that's a hard way of thinking, but that's how I'm taking it right now. One day at a time. I found out I was pregnant the end of January, o man was it a bad week. I was a rollercoaster every 5 minutes. I still couldn't look at babys without breaking down, how in the world was I going to have one inside of me. How on Earth would God let me get pregnant when there are amazing people out there who want babies so bad who are on fertility treatments and I'm 19 and not married. I questioned God. Then I said to myself. JAMIE YOU IDIOT. Why in the WORLD are you questioning God when he is giving you such a miracle! This baby is the best gift, and you haven't even thanked God yet. Then I was mad at myself. After 9 or so weeks. (from my LMP I should be about 2 weeks ahead of what the baby measured at 8 weeks on an ultrasound) But they were moving and their heart was beating great! My next apt is on the 29. Then I find out when I will be having my surgery. It's a cerclage, a stitch around my cervix, so I don't go into early labor again. So with some bed rest and the stitch I have a 85%-90% chance of my baby living. I would love love love any prayers. And I'm sorry if I have hurt anyone, and I really don't blame any of you if you chose not to talk to me for a while. All of my babyloss friends, I love you guys so very very very much! Words can not explain.

I'm writing this at 1:20 in the morning, so I'm sorry if some parts don't make sense.
<3