Monday, May 16, 2011

8 months later....

this was a note i made on fb. its been 8 months since ive posted on here. i still come to visit every now and then, but mostly im just enjoying my rainbow.

Babylost Mother's Day. Peace. and My Healer.

This year I get to celebrate two Mother's Days. One is much more joyful than the other, but to tell you the truth, the other is more peaceful.

Miah was born too soon on Aug. 1st. 2009. After spending a few minutes in my hands she passed away. She passed into God's perfect presence. Do you know how amazing it is to be able to say that? No, I don't get to teach her how to read, or listen to her laugh, or watch her walk through the grass. But I don't have to hear her cry in pain.

On that day God showed me a glimpse of his power. Of how big and amazing and what a brilliant creator he is. Words wont be able to describe this...but I will try.

Miah was born early. About half way through the pregnancy. Many many women see their babies born at 40ish weeks. And most bring them home. We see babies everyday. We see God's perfect creation there. But you see. I saw it in the making. I saw tiny hands that were perfectly formed. About the size of my thumbnail. She had fingernails. Her small body fit in my two hands, yet she was perfect. God said "This is my making. This is how powerful I am" I watched her arms and legs move and slow. The nurse listened for her heartbeat. It was still there. She was so peaceful. That's the best world I can use. Peaceful. Peace is so powerful. I held her for hours after she passed away. She's buried at violet cemetery. We sang "Jesus Loves Me" and released balloons.

Max is a different story. Max is my healer.

We were so happy to be pregnant with Miah, and so scared to be pregnant with Max.

Maximus Jude was born at 36 weeks (our goal was 30!) He weighed 7lbs 5oz. If you know anything about babies. This is a good size baby to be born at term, let alone my preemie. They had a NICU team ready to take him. But nope. He was perfect. I held his hand in mine and it was perfect.

That's what God says about his creation "It is perfect"

When I say Max is a healer...he really is a healer. I've had many people tell me how good it makes them feel to hold Max. A few months ago I was at a restaurant and our waitress was awesome. I saw how she looked at Max tho, I knew that look. I felt that look. She kept smiling and talking to him. Then she said how she had just been to once upon a child. I asked her if she had any kids and she replied "No. But I would like one" There was that look. The eyes full of tears. I know that look. I asked the wrong question that I had been asked so many times..the.. do i share my story? i shut up and cry later?...She left and came back later. She asked if she could hold him. I was happy for her to hold him and I handed him right away. I saw her tears. She shared with me that she had just lost a baby, and how this was actually her first day back to work since. I cried. I listened to her story and shared mine. She said. "There is just something about him that is so comforting. I can't look at other babies. But him I want to hug"

Max is my healer. He has such a huge purpose on this Earth. He will do great things! God's plan for him is beyond anything I can imagine. Mommy loves you Maximus Jude.

I wish you all a very peaceful day. Love you all!