Friday, January 22, 2010
This is my first ever blog. I had a xanga when I was 14, and I don't think that counts. Maybe a little writing here and there on facebook and myspace. I saw Julie and Julia a couple weeks ago with an amazing girlfriend and thought about blogging then, but I can't cook. As much time as I have I didn't think I would have enough time to do anything like this.
I enjoy reading other peoples blogs. I'm a people person and love listening to their thoughts and stories about their lives. (Dustin loves to call me nosy) but I just think I am caring.
Then today I starting reading a new and dear friend of mines blog. We attend the same support group, Parents Sharing Hope. We both had babies who passed away. After reading hers I decided to share my story.
There may be no one who ever reads this except me, and that's just fine. I've only journaled once since Miah died. So maybe this will end up being more for me than anyone else.
This brings me to my beautiful daughter Miah Anne Colvin.
On July 31st, 2009 I was 18wks4days pregnant. I was the happiest woman on earth. I was living with my amazing fiance. I worked at a wonderful daycare and loved all of the kids. Around the time I was getting ready for bed I noticed I was bleeding. Nothing had gone wrong with my pregnancy, everything was perfect in fact. I freaked out. I called the nurse on call and she told me just to sit down, not to go to the hospital, that it was normal. At about 1am I called my mom crying. She cried as well. I relaxed in a chair with my feet up watching Late Night Poker. At about 3am my sister called and asked if I wanted to go to the hospital, I did. I thought, if anything, they could atleast do an ultrasound and tell me the sex of my baby, and that everything was ok.
Kacey came and drove me to the ER. (Dustins car wasn't working) We got there and everyone was very nice. The ER doctor did a pap and saw that something was coming out of my cervix. The sack of waters was pushing through. They took me straight up to the third floor where then laid me in the trendelenburg position (laying down angled with my feet over my head) I was like this for about 7 hours. The point of this being that gravity would pull the sack of waters back up into my cervix with the help of muscle relaxants. They were going to take me into surgery at 11am to have a cerclage (a stitch around my cervix) I was waking up after my surgery (which took a couple more hours than expected) and the doctor told me that the procedure did not work. I got violently sick and my water broke. I new that my baby was going to be born alive and healthy, but that she was going to die. I took a shower and was given pills to make my cervix dilate faster. At 4:56pm my beautiful daughter Miah Anne Colvin was born. She lived for about 5 minutes. She moved her arms a little. I held her in my hands as she passed away. I held her for about three more hours. My mom and sister held her as well. We took pictures with her. The hospital staff at Goshen was amazing. The nurses are the ones who delivered her. They gave her a bath. They treated her like any other baby that was born. They didn't treat her like a dead baby. They did her foot and hand prints in a mold. It's beautiful. Her hands were just a little bigger than my thumb nail, and her nails were long. She had perfect features. Miah was 8 1/4 in long and 6.1oz. Her skin was still translucent and you could see some white downy eyebrows. Her lungs just weren't developed enough.
We had a graveside service for her a couple days later at Violet cemetery. The house Dustin and I were living in while I was pregnant was visible from Miahs grave-site. Pastor Mitch from Grace Community Church, where I attend, did the service. He did a great job. We sang "Jesus Loves Me" and released pink, white, and purple balloons. Her casket was a small, simple wooden box.
Miahs due date was Dec. 29, 2009. That's a different story for a different day. But my amazing wonderful beautiful daughter will always be loved and remembered. She touched so many peoples lives in her very short time here on earth. It is only my faith that has brought me through these very hard times. I am glad for Miah, she did not have to go through this world. She did not have to know sadness, or pain. She was blessed. Shes up there in Heaven singing for Jesus. Pastor Mitch said it very well. The Bible says that life is just the twinkling of an eye. Miah is up in Heaven playing in the wildflowers and before she has a chance to turn around, I will be right behind her.
Posted by the purple balloon at 5:10 PM